A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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