Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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