Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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