my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Shame - the story of my life.
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