I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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