I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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