there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize