I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize