u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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