Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize