the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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