My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize