Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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