Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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