So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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