Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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