I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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