He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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