she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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