I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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