I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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