Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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