ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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