she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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