I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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