My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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