This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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