come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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