not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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