allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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