Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize