glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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