i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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