how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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