I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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