remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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