The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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