I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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