He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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