I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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