if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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