It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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