Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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