today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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