So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize