yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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