The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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