he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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