Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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