I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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