I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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